Oh yes it IS!!! The Gift, NHS Charities Together, Streaming now on Vimeo & Prime

In a year of “Hey kids, let’s put the show on right here!” this pantomime may very well take the biscuit or rather the mince pie. There are 44 performers not including musicians, stage and other crew, not to mention Director Adam Morley and together, they give us the pantomime we need and which so many families have been denied through force of circumstances. Watch this as a family and you will be enveloped in the warm glow of seasonal cheer which, despite the early onset of decorations, has been lacking until now.

Not any more Boys and Girls because the multitalented Michael Head has written a quick-fire mix of classic panto-memes (see wot I did there?) as well as a collection of classy earworms, some co-composed with Chesney Hawkes, who knows a thing or two about song writing. Michael also plays three parts – as if he wasn’t taking on enough – Santa, the wackiest Widow Twanky and Dick Wittington as a cab driver who talks non-stop as he takes our heroes across an ever-changing green screen of London featuring whales and a riot of out-of-context backgrounds. I'm sure he once took me from Waterloo to Camberwell when I'd wanted to go to Cannonbury, he just wouldn't go North of the river at that time of night...

Michael Head wants to tell you a story!

It’s a family affair too as Michael’s daughters, Polly and Livia, are at the heart of the action as two little girls looking for a Christmas Eve present for their mum, helped by their Dad (Mr Hawkes). They go to a library (Kensington obliged) and meet a singing librarian (Chesney’s daughter Jesse) who sings about The Magic of a Good Book accompanied by dancers and all the Hollywood Glamour you can expect in the current circumstances – maybe more Holloway, but, sure, that’s a fine road isn’t it?

A world of possibility, once you put your iPhone down… So, what’s your preference, fiction or reference?

Livia, Chesney Hawkes, Polly and Jesse Hawkes

Libraries spark the imagination and whilst Dad is oblivious to the song and dance – absorbed in a book called Wobbly Bits (which I must read….), the girls soon get drawn into another world after meeting a (really) Good Fairy played by Caprice Bourret (who else?) who gives them a magic ring for their mother’s present. All this is seen by the villainous gaze of the baddie named, for copyright-infringement-swerving reasons, Abanaza (Vas Blackwood on stonkingly good form!), who sets out to steal the ring only to be thwarted by Buttons (Joe Pasquale, who else?!) who tricks Ava-banana – a running gag - and heads off with the girls into the stacks.

Vas Blackwood is A-bonanza

There’s a fun chase enlivened by energetic dancers and music that suggests Mr Head spent a fair amount of his youth in raves; me too and I liked this! Where’s me long-sleeved t-shirt?!

There’s a lot of exposition and guests stars to fit in and we meet our Prince (not so) Charming (Dane Bowers, natch!) who takes part in Blind Date in the Woods hosted by Ben Ofoedu with compering provided by Sleepy aka Abz Love. Charming gets to check out (not so) Little Red Riding Hood (Sandi Bogle), a saucy Cinderella (Lydia Singer) and a wide-awake Sleeping Beauty (Reme Hannan) and there’s a lorra laughs as somebody used to say.

Blind Date: Abz, Reme, Ben, Lydia, Dane and Sandi!

The play’s essentially a series of sketches and the enthsiasm and joy – despite every damn thing – is a delight throughout. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see Captain Hook (Kieran O’Connor) confronting his issues of self-esteem, with a sympathetic Beast (Paul-D Stephenson), who’s been there, done that and come out the other side. Hook has been kicked out of his gang by Pirates led by Becky Hoyle, who are concerned that his values no longer align? Smee not me, but Smee (Luke Jordan Callow) explains it all in song, another cracker!

Anyone hungry? Here Widow Twanky (Mr Head again) has taken to baking in a big way helped by James Goodman and the esteemed Paul Danan, who could sell most people anything I’m quite sure. It’s time for one of the biggest showstoppers as Buttons makes the mistake of asking just why, she just “got to bake”? We switch to Twanky in Tina Turner hair and surrounded by dancers in Holy Trinity Church in Sidcup and whilst Mr Head is in fine voice, he also has some moves too. Seriously, worth the price of admission on its own!

The Great British Dame Off with messrs Danan, Goodman, Head and Pasquale

Back to the story and Buttons and the girls make their way to the Cave of Fear and an entrance guarded by former Shameless star Tina Malone who, apart from great timing has enough “wack” to be the host of the aforementioned Blind Date. Inside the cave we find one sad Ugly Sister (Myra Dubois) wondering whether Abanaza is the man for her…

Buttons and the children need to find the Fairy Party to get back to their Dad and, luckily, they meet the Fair Godmother (Vanessa Feltz… and it feels so right!) who, along with two reasonably good fairies Rhia Official and Nicole Michelle, point them in the direction of the “goodest” Fairy. Time for another set piece song and dance (filmed in London’s Jakata) as Caprice shows off her singing for the Fairy Anthem and dancers are intercut with the other characters having a ball, glass slippers or not!

It’s the feel-good hit of the Winter and all in that good cause. I watched it twice because I knew the family would enjoy it as well and that’s the way to do it as Mr Punch so wisely put it; for pantomime you need the collective experience of watching and laughing along. Oh YES you do!!

Caprice is a very Good Fairy

Everyone gave their time for free and all proceeds go to NHS Charities Together. It’s a heart-warming tribute to the people who have served us so well this year from a group of performers who will have seen their own careers put on hold. I look forward to seeing them all back on stage where they belong and I would urge everyone to donate a tenner and just enjoy their fun!

You can watch The Gift either on Vimeo on Demand or over at Amazon Prime.

IThankYou Rating: I just have to give this ***** with Christmas Bells on! For kids of all ages from one to one hundred!

Apologies to any of those I missed out - a superb effort from all of you!

They fought the law... Time, Tristan Bates Theatre

If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime…

Before the play starts we hear various South London voices talking about various capers including a poor fella who tried to crown a turf accountant with a cosh hidden in a newspaper only for it to fly out as the News of the World landed with a whimper and not a bang.

Michael Head’s new play is based on tales from the underground not unrelated to those his Grandad used to tell; stories from an age of criminal chivalry which still fascinates a time, as the older character Waldorf (David Schaal) relates, when there were rules and honour among thieves. Waldorf knew the Richardsons and a code of conduct that rationalised the violent side of their work as the only means of protecting the good people in their lives; family and friends, from men like themselves.

The Code meant that they would only ever battle their own and that innocents would never be harmed. The Krays, he reckons, we “unstable” and too interested in fame and a film star lifestyle whereas the Nashes, Frankie Fraser and the Richardsons followed the rules. It’s hard not to see this as a meditation on working class Britain or make that just Britain; what happened to our loyalties?

David Schaal and Michael Head

Four men meet up in a pub called The End of the World, jokingly referred to as the depths of South London Waldorf would go to get a drink bought for him. They’ve been on the run in various safe houses waiting for the heat to die down after a botched robbery and have met in this boozer owned by Slipps (Michael Head) who is so called because he has, so far, avoided doing any time.

He’s first there of course before being joined by Waldorf, a tall charismatic gangster who is their connection to the golden era of the sixties. The walls of the pub are lined with family photographs and the two reminisce about Slipps’ Uncle Mick as well as his Auntie who Waldorf romanced after Mick passed away. There are also notices of various family misdemeanours including Slipps’ Mother’s banning from Morrisons for illicit stock-taking. Some of these tales are true and from Head’s own family lore and that adds to the telling; this feels like a celebration of the extended family values many of us shared from the sixties and seventies when people mostly lived where they grew up and everybody had at least one dodgy Uncle Les and at least a couple of Aunty Flo’s.

The wise-cracking Fisherman (Daniel O'Reilly) is next up, ten minutes late because he hates waiting for people… He’s a total “rise taker” and kicks into his mate Slipps from the off with some delicious banter that makes you want to pull up a chair and grab a glass of that whiskey yourself. He reserves his fiercest barbs for the superbly named Prozac (Paul Danan) who is last to arrive and first to get the blame for the job just gone South.

Paul Danan and Daniel O'Reilly

Prozac, so-called for his addiction to every drug going, lives on his nerves and was panicked into using the gun taken only for show, during the raid, firing off “like John Wayne on crack…” aka Grand Theft Arsehole (I am going to borrow that next time I hit the M25!). Prozac claims the coppers started firing first but no one else remembers anything other than his mistake.

Things calm down as the whiskey kicks in and Fisherman lays out some generous lines of white powder and we get more excellently crafted stories and group interplay. Michael Head writes great, natural dialogue and, as with his previous plays, Worth a Flutter and The Greater Game, the shared narratives are the strongest, pulling you in with a smile as you recognise the bond between these mates.

The men discuss how crime has changed and how imprisonment was not only an occupational hazard it also helped you establish new contacts and relationships for more escapades once outside. Thus, is it that drugs suppliers help Uncle Mick develop his pharmaceutical business in South London – although strictly without heroin, another part of The Code. Prozac became pally with a lad called Pretty Face, and when they were outside, “getting properly pissed like Liverpool town centre on dole day…” (in fairness, it doesn’t have to be pay day, it can be any day), he reintroduced him to old school pal Slipps.

And so, bonds are formed and the boys go about their business; doing their best to make sure their families have different choices. Slipps has two daughters and doesn’t want them ending up with his lot; he needs to leave them a legacy.

Cracks start to show between Prozac and the others and they become more aggressive and open – it’s not just the coke talking though and there are deeper truths about family and love to be revealed.

The Time Team...

IThankYouTheatre Rating: **** You won't find a more compelling or entertaining night out with the lads anywhere else in the West End! Great characters and smashing stories.
Time is a very passionate play and the gang of four inhabit the roles with fulsome conviction (well, they’ve been sent down enough times…). Director Joe Withers makes the very most of the Tristan Bates intimacy and the biggest laugh of the night cam after a deft ad lib from Mr O'Reilly after a line from Mr Danan that speaks volumes for the tightness of this cast!

Time is only playing this week and is already sold out on some days so get in quick, it’d be a crime if you missed it! Details on the TBT/Actors Centre website.

I used to work with Ronnie and Reggie’s niece, she used to say her Nan would get her to behave by threatening to get her uncles onto her. So, if you know what’s good for you, get yourself down to Time as soon as!

With hope in your heart… The Greater Game, Waterloo East Theatre

The Waterloo Easterners: "The Invincibles" 2018

After injury in the trenches my Great Uncle lived the rest of his life with shrapnel in his head, whilst my Grandfather almost died twice in postings in Mesopotamia and India: his outlook was changed forever by the Great War, his faith challenged not just in terms of religion but also his country and the way it was run.

Grandad was not one for football, he preferred rugby league and the game of 13 as played by Widnes RFC. He appreciated the team game and loyalty and he was with me tonight as I watched Michael Head’s passionate play based on Stephen Jenkins’ book, They Took The Lead.

In 1914 41 Orient FC players and staff – they were called Clapham Orient at the time before changing to Leyton Orient – signed up to fight in the Great War. It would all be over by Christmas and they hoped to be back to complete the season but in the spirit of the times they felt they had to do their bit. The participation of footballers in the conflict was inevitable once the war had begun to generate losses among the fans and families and no other team sent as many professionals as The O’s to what became known as The Footballer’s Battalion; the 17^th Battalion Middlesex Regiment.

Club Captain Fred “Spider” Parker was the first to sign up at a special meeting at Fulham Town Hall in December 1914 and he was quickly followed by ‘keeper Jimmy Hugall and lead striker Richard McFadden: working class men of conscience and courage who wanted to do their bit.

Richard McFadden and William Jonas before the war

Head’s play takes eight of the O’s leading lights and cleverly shows their relationships evolve from before the war to their fateful experiences in France.

The club manager Billy Holmes is played with authority, period moustached and Mancunian accent by Michael Greco who plays with authority, linking so well with his team as befits the character who moulded one of the great O’s sides. Holmes had scouted and then signed Scotsman Richard McFadden (here payed by James Phelps who I almost didn't recognise without the red hair...), Mac was a naturalised Geordie having moved to Blyth as a boy and played for Wallsend Park Villa before Holmes came calling. Phelps plays the role of natural leader and on and off-the-pitch hero well and is the moral core of the team.

Stephen Bush plays Mac’s best mate, William Jonas – the ladies’ favourite and much banter pays tribute to his team mates’ jealousy in this regard. Head, as he has proved before with the excellent Worth a Flutter, writes social interplay naturalistically and, crucially, makes it funny – you join in and you feel part of the dressing room as the guys match wits.

James Phelps and Stephen Bush play Mac and Bill Jonas

Jonas’ girl is Mary Jane is played by Victoria Gibson who gives a cracking performance as the lass out of her environment and who has courage of her own, refusing to tell her husband that she is expecting just when he announces his departure: MJ is a very believable character at a time when fear makes men rowdy and distracted, she looks to a bleak future. Mac’s wife is played by Helena Doughty who is also good, wanting more of her hero at a time when his qualities were needed in double dose by the team. 

Jack Harding leads from the front in playing Captain Fred “Spider” Parker who inspires his men through the mud of pitch and trench – writing and then casting a play like this must be so difficult; you need the right characters for the mix to work, and the spirit amongst players and the, erm, players is spot on, a mix of Head’s writing as well as Adam Mooney’s direction.

Head himself plays Herbert “Jumbo” Reason, generously casting himself as the player most likely to cheat on cross-country runs; as someone who regularly used to head off to the chippy with all the other asthmatics I empathise! Jumbo’s verbal sparring with Nolan “Peggy” Evans, the club clown are a delight and Paul Marlon brings so much energy to this role. The team is completed by Mackem George Scott (Scott Kyle) a natural-born fighter and goalie Jimmy Hugall (Tom Stocks) who is another butt of changing room banter but nevertheless is determined to work his way through a dictionary to improve his language.

James Phelps and Michael Greco

Head takes this ensemble on a journey from their North East beginnings through pre-war league success, romance and friendship and, when War finally comes, the impact is all the more devastating on these characters we’ve identified and bonded with for the first hour. It’s a skill to set up that balance and to establish character so convincingly well.

Throughout the photographs of the original O’s are present on the wall of the changing room set and, as one-by-one, they are added to with a portrait marking their death, the loss is painfully felt as it connects with our own relationship with this war and beyond. It is 100 years but I’m old enough to have seen the impacts on the generation above my parents and still, this carries on: my cousin is a Royal Marine and his best mate was killed in Afghanistan weeks before he could be best man at his wedding.

If we don’t keep on remembering, we’re not only failing those in our families who fought we’re failing future generations who will always be called upon when jaw-jaw fails and only war is left. Knowledge of the consequences is vital if we are not to make cheap decisions… We must never forget.

Clapton Orient in 1914

Which is also why Michael stood at the front selling poppies and The Greater Game is part of the Football Remembers 1918-2018 initiative supported by the EPL, EFL, PFA and the FA.

Leyton Orient Supporters Club are also involved along with former player Peter Kitchen who co-produced. The O’s have arranged a number of trips over to the battlefields where their players fought and died and it is humbling to see this community club being so mindful of it history and the people who combined together make then great.

Where I come from we say, You’ll Never Walk Alone, and from what I’ve seen, this lot never will either.

The Greater Game plays at the Waterloo East Theatre until 25^th November and tickets are available from the box office or online.

IThankYou Rating: **** A great story of real-life heroes told exceptionally well; I urge you to support this play and these players!

You’ve got to be in it to win it… Worth a Flutter, Hope Theatre

OK... Lucy Pinder bursts into the room wearing a kilt and playing the lead character’s very Scottish manhood… it has to be said, you don’t get moments like this very often in the theatre!

Michael Head’s play is crafted from his own experience – maybe not all of it, maybe even not “Hamish” – but it rings so true we were laughing as much with recognition as anything else. It’s a very honest play and told straight to audience and in the Hope’s intimate playing space, you have to really mean it to carry it through.

Michael plays Matt, a semi-professional gambler who’s engaged to the glamorous Paige (Lucy Pinder who has the most a-mazing hair!) mostly because Beyoncé encouraged her to hold up her hand and waggle her ring finger. He met Paige just as she vomited on his £100 shoes and ended up rescuing her from over-indulgence all the way to breakfast.

His best mate Paul (played by the irrepressible Paul Danan) seems to be spending a lot of time with Paige. He’s one of those blokes we all know; every class has one and “every convertible with the top down playing “urban” music, in February…” has one too. He’s the kind of man who doesn’t have to try to enjoy shallow relationships with girls although he did once have a Black Monday in the 90s when he didn’t even get a kiss.

Paul Danan, Michael Head, Clare McNamara and Lucy Pinder

Head’s writing is full of joyous lines that are a gift for this cast and they come thick and fast along with inventions such as Matt’s Caledonian c*ck and a horse race between the worst things to say on a first date including: “do you think I’m fat?”, “I love you” and “you’d make a lovely father”. The cast instantly switch roles for these set pieces and it works because we’ve all said such things even if the country of origin for our privates may vary.

Matt convenes at a café in Bermondsey with Paul and Paige and he’s clearly looking for a way out for, despite her glamour, Paige is not what you’d call a thinker – “like Dumb forgot to brief Stupid” but, as he tells Paul, “you don’t sell your motor if you ain’t got a bike.”

The waitress, Helen (Clare McNamara) is instantly at odds with Paul’s arrogance and Paige’s alpha posturing but takes more care over Matt… there’s something there. One thing leads to another and he has a coffee, the others leave, and he arranges to see her for a drink. Promising you think, and indeed, despite of the interruptions of her elderly neighbour (Mr Danan with a walking stick) the two spend the night together.

The next day Matt’s all aglow and has perhaps said something he shouldn’t in his enthusiasm… Helen is reticent and, this schoolboy error aside, we don’t know why. But then the play wrong foots us as another man enters the café called Sam (Jack Harding who I’d last seen in the excellent Foul Pages). There’s two sides to every story says Matt and we’re about to hear the other one. It won’t turn out well for everybody.

Paul Danan and Michael Head

Sam starts the second act blinking into the lights, he’s not as funny as Matt but his awkwardness soon reveals his backstory and his relationship to Helen.

He’s married and struggling to connect with his beautiful but distracted wife Emma (Ms Pindar again) the two barely listening to the other, something driving them further and further apart.

He’s come to Helen’s café to take counsel from the only person he can think of, office Brent, Martin, a salesman with “the moral compass of a stag do in Ibiza” who’s only advice is bad advice and entirely based on his own experience. He recommends a one-night stand to Sam and, inspired, suggests that Helen would be ideal for various non-flattering reasons.

Sam’s unsure, he’s always unsure, reaching out to find himself after years of compromise – but then both men are. Helen’s response is going to be slightly different to her experience with Matt and the play is very nuanced in this respect… it will all come down to a metaphorical boxing match between the two which is as funny and well-wrought as the horse racing.

At one point Matt wonders if there are any heroes in the play, they’re only ordinary men after all… but if anyone is it’s probably Helen as we learn more about the reasons for her sharp tongue – she is absolutely brutal with Martin’s old sauce and gives better than she gets from Paul’s posing. I’ll have a coffee and bacon roll in any café she’s working!

The Big Match: Jack Harding, Clare McNamara and Michael Head

Jonathon Carr directs smoothly and uses every inch of the Hope as the characters wheel around on horseback, in boxing shorts… in kilts! There’s a great spirit amongst the cast and crew – the Hope positively thrives on hard work and team-play!

The cast are clearly enjoying themselves and Clare McNamara is a superb slow-burner as Helen and her gentle expression is compelling and touching; real tears well up in eyes that light up with a smile. Not everyone can do this and she’s spectacular.

She’s not alone with Michael Head narrating his own words emphatically – likeable and real – whilst Jack Harding wins you over even as you’ve just been rooting his character’s rival. Paul Danan – damn him – is obviously likeable even as a rogue whilst I must commend Lucy Pinter on her debut stage performance; she’s very funny as well as convincing as the flouncy Paige, the bookish Emma and as Matt’s Scottish friend…

Tip of the hat also to Lauren Flynn on lights and sound who smashed it helping us to really believe in the Bermondsey!

Worth a Flutter runs at The Hope Theatre from 1st May to 19th May and tickets are available from the Box Office and online too: it’s another hit for The Hope and a big hearted, generous, spirited play.

IThankYou Rating: **** Rings so many bells it could be Christmas; see it for some great wordplay and committed performers. And, believe me when I say that “The Scottish Play” will never be the same again…